You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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