This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
