I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize