We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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