I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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