I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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