I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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