i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
