i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Rumble strips road head = magical
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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