Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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