Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
