After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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