Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
