She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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