TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
