Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
