But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
