So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
