Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
