you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm too high and old for this...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
