Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
