We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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