so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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