i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
