Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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