I'm eating all of the evidence.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
