You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize