you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
