Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
