some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
