he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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