I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
