Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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