took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
