he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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