absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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