Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
