i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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