And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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