We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
