8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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