Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
