On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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