if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
