I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
