question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
