My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
