i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize