Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
