I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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