we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
