Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
