fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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