i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
