Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
