I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
