3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
don't judge my taste in strippers
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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