i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
