I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
