Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
