3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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