I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
