And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
