is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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