That's when you crack a 10am beer
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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