I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
