True but thats because hes a fetus.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize