do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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