White coat. Heels.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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