i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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