hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
