Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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