I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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