I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
