I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
