My first STD was from a foam party
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
