Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
