hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
