my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize