Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
