Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
