the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
