You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
