but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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