This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
