i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize