i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
