i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
