You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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