I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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