Sponge bath it is.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize