I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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