i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
