Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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