He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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