I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
