2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
