im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So squirting runs in the family.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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