Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
