he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
