the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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