She announced her abortion via fbk
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
